Glittered Pencils

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Hi there! My name is Brianna Marie. I am 20-years-old, an avid writer. This is not my first blog…I started one a few years back but have since decided to start a new one! I hope this one works more in the direction I would like to take.

Since I am the ripe age of 20, I am a college student. Though, I must say, college is not the frat parties and all-nighter study sessions I was expecting (wink, wink). For me, since I work late nights, it is more of a game of, “Should I go to class today?” every morning. No matter how late my classes are, I’m still dragging my feet to go. I have been having a hard time making it to class, obviously. But not only that; I haven’t found much interest in anything. I took creative writing thinking it would help my writers block, but it only thickened it. It took me months to come back out of it. I started with psychology this semester, and after two weeks, I am ready to drop it. It may sound like I am a total quitter, but trust me, I’m not!

My biggest issue is that I don’t want to be there. I don’t want to sit in long boring classes to “prepare” to live my life – I just want to live my life! I think that is my biggest issue. I read articles about people my age (or younger!) who are published, well-known, bestselling authors, and that makes me crazy! What is my excuse? I always thought I would go to college, major in something I am somewhat interested in, and work a day job until I get published. But I am beginning to notice that I’m not meant for a day job. I’m not meant to by my time, finding meaningless things to do before I actually live. I’m meant to live right now!

That is my mantra. While discussing this with my boyfriend, although he agreed with me, he is a bit more of realist than I am. I said I just wanted to run away to Europe, and write my books as I wandered through the mossy hills and brick-walled shopping districts. It has become a requirement to have a college degree nowadays, even just to work at a retail store! Why do I need to waste six years of my life “preparing” for a job I don’t even care about? What I care about is writing books, letting the world read what adventures have been in my head my whole life! I guess that makes me a deviant, but I’ve never really been a big fan of labels, stereotypes, or making one standard mandatory for everyone.

When I was a child, I used to write so freely and never let anyone’s opinions affect me. But in my creative writing class, I got so much negative feedback from my workshop. I couldn’t believe how much it crushed me. What started out as a story about a friendship that fell apart was translated into lesbian lovers, one of which was pregnant, who broke up. What? Although that class was awful, it opened my eyes to the negative feedback. I took a very important lesson away from it: “The difference between amateur writers and professional writers is that professional writers know their first drafts are going to be total shit.” Even the most famous authors in the world have been rejected by someone. It’s the rejection that makes the acceptance worth it. It’s the rejection that makes you look back at your work and say, “They don’t love it, but someone will.” I read a story about an author who was rejected enough times that she could tape all her rejection letters together and it stretched the length of a football field! That is inspirational! That is true dedication, and that is what I have. I’ve had so many people say to me, “You don’t really think you’ll make it do you?” “You realize the odds of that actually happening, right?” To which I say, “Your lack of faith only strengthens mine!” I have never not believed I will be published. It  has always been a dream of mine that I intend to accomplish. Every time I am in a book store and I am in awe of all the fancy new books, admiring their covers and reading about the authors, I say to myself, “I’ll be here someday. My book will be right here.”

When I met my first published author, she told me that imagining your success as an author is very important. You have to believe your story belongs there, and when you do that, your publishers will believe that, too. That is one of the many lessons I have learned that has kept me striving for my dream. Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries series, said that you have to write a book that you would want to read. That struck a cord in me – I would probably not read the books I write if they were written by somebody else! So I rethought my story ideas and worked them into the kind of plots that I enjoy, and I can’t believe the difference! 

Now that my extremely long introduction to you all is about done, I’d like whoever is reading this to ask yourself this question: Are you preparing for your life or actually living it?

 “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”

~Steve Jobs, late CEO of Apple

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